INFJ
Sharing the infj world
pieces of me
INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging) is one of the 16 personality types identified by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Sometimes referred to as the "Advocate" or the "Idealist," people with INFJ personalities are creative, gentle, and caring.
They generally strive to do what’s right – and they want to help create a world where others do the right thing as well. People with this personality type may feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion. Concepts like egalitarianism and karma can mean a great deal to Advocates.
INFJ women are often quiet and will keep to themselves, but when they believe in something they are nearly impossible to silence. INFJ women are usually very independent people, who are not afraid to stand out if need be.
They tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.
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They have a deep sense of idealism and integrity, but they aren’t idle dreamers – they take concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting impact.
They may see helping others as their purpose in life. They are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. As a result, INFJs tend to step in when they see someone facing unfairness or hardship.
Many people with this personality type also aspire to fix society’s deeper problems, in the hope that unfairness and hardship can become things of the past.
She's a dreamer
Don't take her for granted
She cares about the little things
cares about the world and other's pain
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she wants to fix things
she wants to make a better world in any way she can
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she cries when alone not wanting to show her vulnerable side
she's learned to be good at hiding
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she will hug you when you need it
care for you when no one else is there
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she feels everything
she understands your feels - the ones you do not share and thought you had disguised
she has a knowing so deep and profound
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she would sit and listen to you for hours, honest and open is all you need to be, true to you and true to she
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she needs your love, not your anger
your tenderness and surrender
she needs to know you see her
that you understand and adore the uniqueness
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she is the embodiment of the inner child, free, spirited, and optimistic
don't try to tame her
don't try to make her conform
just love her
enjoy her
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yes she...she the one with a beautiful soul
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she, the INFJ
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The infj may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.
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Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care of other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. They need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge and process their thoughts and feelings.
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The infj feel compelled to find a mission for their lives.
When they encounter inequity or unfairness, they tend to think,
“How can I fix this?”
They are well-suited to support a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves too.
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“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”
JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
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They may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.
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Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care of other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. They need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge and process their thoughts and feelings.
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They may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.
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Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care of other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. They need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge and process their thoughts and feelings.
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
Carl Jung
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
Carl Jung
The INFJ may be the rarest of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, making up only 2 per cent of the population, but many famous INFJ people have made a huge impact on the world. Through their gentle leadership and passion, INFJs are making the world a better place.
​They may be reserved, but they communicate in a way that is warm and sensitive. This emotional honesty and insight can make a powerful impression on the people around them.
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Advocates value deep, authentic relationships with others, and they tend to take great care of other people’s feelings. That said, these personalities also need to prioritize reconnecting with themselves. They need to take some time alone now and then to decompress, recharge and process their thoughts and feelings.
I'm often asked which author
I am most inspired by,
but I'm inspired by all authors. It takes a great deal of courage to pour your words onto paper and watch silently as the world judges them loudly.”
Charity Parkerson
Ambivert definition:
An ambivert is someone who falls in the middle of the introvert/extrovert continuum. Ambiverts have a blend of traits from both introverts and extroverts, as well as their own unique strengths.
Everything you need to know about Introverts, High Sensitivity,
and Personality
from
psychologists, personality profilers,
and leading introvert authors
Psychologist Carl Jung didn’t use the exact term “ambivert,” but he believed that people who are neither highly introverted nor highly extroverted are in the majority. Some recent experts make a similar claim, suggesting that two-thirds of all people are ambiverts.
Are you ambivert?
INFJs are upset when there isn’t harmony, and they dislike conflict in general. They have an especial dislike for unresolved conflict. They dislike hostility. Radicalism, extremism, chaotic environments and drama are big things they dislike and try to avoid.
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INFJ need an order to things, so they feel upset when they don’t have a sense of purpose or directive. They usually are upset by environments that are too messy, with things being out of place or order.
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Authoritarianism, or any projection of power or control. They don’t like to be told what to do when it comes to their basic rights and freedoms, especially if those are compromised in an abusive way.
They are upset if they are heavily criticized, watched, scrutinized if they feel it is cruel or lacking basis to improve constructively.
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Because INFJs hate being or seeing others being mistreated, they really don’t like authoritarian people or governments that propel blatant misuses of power, asserts unwarranted control that usually violates many basic human rights.
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It might take a while to see their feelings, but they’ll make sure they are heard loud and clear when it is time. INFJs are most upset by those who don’t seem to have feelings, including apathetic people, cold people, callous or malicious people, or those who are unfeeling. They dislike when people are yelling, extremely loud people.
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INFJs have a major dislike of disloyalty, deception, betrayal. They are upset by disrespect, and they dislike overly judgmental, insensitive and rude people.
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Why INFJs might be unhappy
When someone has hurt an INFJ, this is where the door slam kicks in.. slowly cutting off the connection from the person, and withdrawing, without the person even realizing that he/she has hurt them. Betrayal, or breaking of trust.
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​Any form of argument using violence of any form can sometimes have serious, sometimes long-term physical consequences from internalized trauma if this type of person is constantly being exposed to this environment.
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One of the main things an INFJ holds true is affinity to justice, balance, and peace.
They also hate conflict when things are out of touch with the truth or if they feel that innocent people have been harmed.
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INFJs are upset by egotism and people who are selfish. They highly dislike shallowness & materialism and do not take kindly to arrogance or bold displays of ignorance that are harmful to people.
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They are usually empaths, so do not take kindly to a callous approach when it comes to people issues, despite their tendency and ability to be rationally unbiased at most times. That isn’t to say that those of other personality types do not feel the effects of trauma or always take an overwhelming emotional approach, but INFJs are undoubtedly high on the human empathy scale enough to influence how they make decision. This leaves them little room to cooperate with those who do not value things beyond the physical world.
Not only are INFJs sensitive to people’s emotions, but they also pick up the vibes of where they live. Their environment.
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Remember that a simple change in your environment may be enough to boost your happiness.
Hold your head high and realise that some of the darkest moments in your life can lead to a brighter path that you thought couldn’t exist.
You may eventually look back on the difficult past and see how it got you to where you were meant to be.
Learn to trust your intuition and not feel the need to rationalize it
A sense of purpose
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Meaningful conversation
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A deep understanding of themselves
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Human contact, not social contact
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Alone time
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Structure
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Independence
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An orderly environment
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An outlet for their insights
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An outlet for their creativity
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Beauty
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At least one person who “gets” them
What an INFJ Needs to Be Happy
Paradoxes of the INFJ Personality
Being an extroverted introvert
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Calmly emotional
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Logical and creative
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Pessimistic optimist
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Inconsistent communicator
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You fight for others but not for yourself
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You see the big picture, miss the small steps, but still a perfectionist
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A dreaming doer
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The Visionary:
INFJ (Introverted Intuition)
Want to work for yourself?
Visionaries — INFJs and INTJs — are ideas people… on the inside. They have a rich inner vision, a world of connections and possibilities that is only rarely revealed to other people. A great many Visionaries have thought about becoming an entrepreneur, and many have taken the plunge.
The businesses they have started are quite varied in their purpose and industry sector, but there is one common theme. Many start with an innovative new idea and those that are successful allow the Visionary to follow their passion and keep being creative. This is typically something that most felt was lacking in their previous jobs.
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John Hackston, head of thought leadership at
The Myers-Briggs Company
Fairy tale of an infj
For the INFJ their heart and their head can often be at odds and this makes it difficult for them to settle on a solid thought to things like fairytales.
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INFJs can be drawn to the idea of fairy tales, like the morals behind the story, but often feel two opposing emotions simultaneously about it. They can dream big, visualise big stories, see various outcomes, but are also aware of how unrealistic most fairy tales are.
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Because of their imagination, they often blend many topics together creating something multi-faceted. This is great for writers and artists as they often produce unique concepts and designs.
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However, anything is possible, and for that reason, they continue to dream the 'what ifs'.
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Fairytale Archetype
The Sage/Priestess
Giving the key/insight to someone's journey (a mystic)
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Morgaine -
The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
aka
Morgan le Fay, a powerful enchantress in the Arthurian legend
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All children are blessed with an imagination.
We’re all curious about “What if’s?” when we’re young. Yet, while some children veer into a desire for the tangible and real, others seem to perpetually clasp that link to the unknown and the impossible.
INFJs and INFPs seem to be two types that have an irresistible urge to imagine and explore things that many other types ignore in pursuit of more realistic experiences and pursuits.
The Powerful Imagination
of
INFPs and INFJs
David Keirsey says of Intuitive-Feeling personality types,
“Idealists talk little of what they observe – of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. They talk instead of what can only be seen with the mind’s eye: love and hate, heaven and hell, comedy and tragedy, heart and soul, tales and legends, eras and epochs, beliefs, fantasies, possibilities, symbols, selves, and yes, temperament, character, and personality.”
INFJs and INFPs (as well as ENFJs and ENFPs in many cases) are drawn inward towards quiet reflection and imagination.
They yearn to explore unseen territories or create new, lush worlds in their mind. They question the concrete and the tangible that so many other types take for granted.
Their minds are filled with ceaseless wanderings into fairy-worlds and the fiery pits of hell, always searching for some grand meaning, purpose, or simply an escape from a sometimes mundane or bleak existence.
INFJs and INFPs both prefer the world of intuition to the world of sensing.
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This is why both types have an “N” as the second letter of their type code (INFP, INFJ). But what is intuition?
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The official MBTI® Manual describes intuition as the...
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“perception of possibilities, meanings, and relationships by way of insight…
Intuition permits perception beyond what is visible to the senses, including possible future events. People who prefer Intuition may develop the characteristics that can follow from that emphasis and become imaginative, theoretical, abstract, future-oriented, and original or creative. Persons oriented toward Intuition may also become so intent on pursuing possibilities that they overlook actualities.”
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Countless INFPs and INFJs who spend hours imagining, questioning, theorizing, and wondering about things that are often laughed off as fanciful or “unrealistic”. Especially in childhood, INFs are drawn to the fantastic realms of mythical stories and legends that lose them from the confines of the real world.
While intuitives are certainly not better or more advanced than sensors, the world of “could be” and “maybe” is more appealing to them than the world of “what is” or “what has been”.
INFJs and INFPs combine their intuition with feeling, a preference that tends to give them empathy, idealism, and an understanding of people and their values.
NF personality types blend imagination with a nuanced view of humanity to come up with idealistic visions and dreams for the future.
Imagining, conceptualizing, “daydreaming”, all these activities give INFPs and INFJs energy and a sense of being alive and free.
INFJs are often called the
“Mystics” or “Seers”
While not literally psychic, INFJs conceive symbolic or novel ways of understanding the world and the universe. They get a rush of energy from imagining the future and how things will change and transform.
They are always trying to decipher what will occur and when, and they seek hidden meanings and unknown possibilities.
INFJs are driven by empathy and a desire to make the world better for people. Their plans and ambitions often involve reaching goals that will improve life for others.
INFJs use Introverted Intuition.
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They relax by envisioning and imagining.
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INFJs imagine all the ways a scenario could play out then slowly discarding all the scenarios that don’t seem likely until they have one “most likely” possibility.
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They are driven by possibility and potential.
INFJs see the world around them and imagine limitless possibilities related to the things they see and experience.
A beautiful rock might make them think of castles and islands and gemstones in another world.
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They avoid the conventional approach to life.
They like to think outside the box and imagine new, innovative ways of doing things.
They are drawn to the abstract more than the tangible. Concepts, theories, stories, and possibilities entice them more than real-world objects and experiences.
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imagination
Some Ways to Enhance Intuition for INFJs
Create a fairy tale, ghost story, or fantasy story. Take away limits and external boundaries. What would happen?
Imagine how everyone you know things about one topic. Get yourself into their shoes.
Why do they think the way they do?
What is their perspective?
Spend some time in a quiet place each day and let your mind wander. Don’t control your thoughts. Afterwards, write down anything unusual or interesting that came to mind.
As someone is telling you an anecdote or story, ask yourself “Why are they telling me this story? Is there something they’re looking for but not explicitly stating?”
Read stories, look at art, write poetry. Reflect on what things symbolize to you.
Fairy Tale Prompts
INFJ BOOKS
Susan Storm
The INFJ
Understanding the Mystic
eBook
Lauren Sapala
he INFJ Writer:
Cracking the Creative Genius of the World's Rarest Type
Lauren Sapala
The INFJ Revolution:
Reclaim Your Power, Live Your Purpose, Heal the World
images not of the authors - please, click on the picture for more information
The INFJ children can go from being the shyest, most sensitive to the most outspoken, single-minded leaders of their beliefs.
Because they are a rare personality type they can often feel misunderstood and isolated as children.
Many times, when they discover their personality type, INFJs feel a huge sense of relief because their whole lives they’ve felt somehow separate from everyone else. Not better than everyone else – just like they don’t quite fit in anywhere.
“Introverted Intuition (Ni) is a function that requires a lot of solitary time to process. INFJ children often need to escape from everyday life to be able to enter the recesses of their minds and reflect and let their mind reveal various insights to them.”
– The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic
The Magic and Mystery
of
Introverted Intuition
Introverted intuition is a perceiving function that sorts through conscious and unconscious data giving the user a “vision” or symbol that holds great meaning. Some typologists call Ni “perspective-shifting” and an ability to see things from many different angles to find its underlying meaning and essence.
Isabel Briggs-Myers said the greatest gifts of Ni are the “flashes of inspiration, the insight into relationships, the imagination, the originality, the access to resources of the unconscious, the ingenuity, and the visions of what could be.”
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Carl Jung said that Ni is “directed toward the inner object”. But what is the inner object?
Well, what Jung believed was that the inner object meant the areas of the unconscious. He believed that Ni-users don’t just consider raw, outer material, but instead prefer to look at “subjective images of things which, though not to be met within the outside world, constitute the contents of the unconscious, and of the collective unconscious in particular.”
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The truth about Ni is that it is not planning so much as seeing or envisioning symbols and images from the unconscious. Introverted intuition sees the background material of what happens in daily life and is more concerned with this background material or hidden meaning than it is with the outer data or reality. Jung said “For intuition, therefore, unconscious images acquire the dignity of things.”
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People with introverted intuition often have gut feelings that are uncannily accurate. They are excellent at spotting trends or patterns to form a prediction of what may be. They often don’t know how they got these predictions or why, but one neuroscience expert named Dario Nardi has an idea of how it all works…
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“The Ni types often show a whole-brain, zen-like pattern. This pattern occurs when all regions of the neocortex are in synch and dominated by brain waves that are medium-low frequency and very high-amplitude….What is this zen state like? When presented with a problem, the Ni types seek to harness all neocortex regions in order to “realize” an answer. Imagine a troop of blind men trying to identify a secret object by touch. One man feels a trunk and says, “tree”; another detects four legs and says “table”; a third feels tusks and says “boar”. Like the blind men, each region offers a different perspective, and a zen-like synchronous state allows the person to reconcile various perspectives to arrive at a best-fit answer (an elephant).”
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Nardi goes on to say that Ni types easily show a zen state when tasked to envision the future. This is where INTJs and INFJs truly shine. Their minds synthesize a plethora of information obtained via their inferior sensing function. As this information is synthesized and sorted, they will suddenly get an image or a “hunch” about what will happen or something’s underlying meaning. Sometimes it can feel like it’s a magical door that can unlock true purpose, a biggest hope or dream, or an understanding.
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infj fiction
THE WORLD OF IMAGINATION
What stories do you relate to as an INFJ? What themes and plots speak to something inside you?
Why?
Elsa knows she is different, but also knew she had to “conceal, don’t feel.”
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The sentiments expressed in “Let It Go” are typical for INFJs as they mature and learn to embrace the aspects of their Ni that sets them apart from other people. From that perspective, Elsa progresses from a “kingdom of isolation” in the first verse, to breaking free of social rules (INFJs will stay within rules that make sense but don’t want to be confined by ones that do not). She finally rises “like the break of dawn” to become who she is inside rather than the “perfect girl” that other people imagine her to be.
The Lord of the Rings
by Tolkien
INFJs have a strong sense of justice and we love stories where characters battle evil even when all hope seems lost. For Lord of the Rings, the story is made even more relatable by the allegorical overtones. Many INFJs are deeply spiritual people and they love stories that speak to that side of their personalities.
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The LOTR books and movies also feature at least one INFJ character. Galadriel is always typed as an INFJ.
This book makes Susan Storm’s list of 10 Must-Read Books for INFJs.
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The title character is one of the best-written INFJs in fiction. INFJs will identify not only with Jane’s character but also her journey to find her place in her world on her own terms as a free and independent woman.
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She’s quiet and self-controlled with depths of feeling and passions that many around her don’t see. We also identify with the strong spiritual themes of this novel.
The Night Circus
by Erin Morgenstern
This book combines mystery, romance, and whimsy in a sweeping story about connection and magic.
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INFJs will relate to the beauty of the storytelling style, as well as to the main characters’ journeys.
Shadow Self Side
A hurt or young INFJ will get valuable information from this video. Frank is a YouTuber that is very knowledgeable on the MBTI personality types. I've included a link to his INFJ Channel.
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The biggest wound of an INFJ, the self-sacrificing wound, is what stops them from pursuing their dreams and becoming the fullest expression of themselves.
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They need a purpose so that they don’t just exist at the receiving end of the world and others’ emotions.
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Wounding exists on different levels of consciousness: the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind.
MIRROR SOUL
Using the mirror is our gift, and one day, we finally use that gift in the same way we've always used it for others ... to help ourselves become better people, whom we were meant to become.
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INFJs don't actually “mirror” in the sense of mimicking people.
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We pick up and use another's essence - this is to put them at ease and then feel relatable. It becomes natural. Automatic.
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It's reading people, a knowing, intuitive gift - mirroring.
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INFJs treat different people very differently based on what they perceive about each of those individual people, but it's not to mimic, and it's not about getting people to like them. It's more about recognizing that different people want to be treated in different ways and acting accordingly in order to get through the social interaction as effectively as possible - this is the use of mirroring.
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For anyone not familiar with the term INFJ, it is an initialism used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to refer to one of the sixteen personality types. The MBTI assessment was developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother, Katherine Myers, from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung. The individual letters stand for various functions of personality. INFJ, for example, indicates the following personality functions: Introversion (I), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), Judgment (J). INFJs make up Only about 1-3% of the population, so they are quite rare.
These individuals are intuitive, and they seem to have a way of seeing through people. They are skilled at recognizing what others are trying to keep beneath the surface, and due to their wise, gentle nature, INFJs live to help others reach their full potential and better themselves.
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INFJs are often misunderstood and seen as being too intense in the continual pursuit of improvement at all costs. Overall, however, this personality type is accepting and understanding, and they have a unique talent for making people feel at ease. This in turn results in situations where people are willing to tell an INFJ their deepest and darkest secrets, and these conversations often start the mirroring process for the INFJ.
A lot of INFJs are comfortable listening to other people’s problems because it is in their nature to genuinely want to help. They don’t, however, open up very easily themselves, and you will rarely hear an INFJ going on and on about personal issues. It isn’t that this personality type doesn’t like talking through things with another person. It is just that they are so intuitive that they know when something is bothering someone. Most INFJs will feel like their own issues aren’t that big of a deal.
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It’s not unusual for an INFJ to come out of a relationship wondering where he or she has been for the past several months or years. Standing too long behind the mirror will make one’s sense of identity vanish over time.
They’ve been called a lot of things: The Unicorn, The Special Snowflake, The Oracle, The Protector, The Physic, The Counselor. But whatever you want to call the rarest 2% of the population, it’s hard to deny that they’re the most elusive type.
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They can observe and take on the shape and form (behaviours and mannerisms) of any other type.
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Actually, they can seem like any type, depending on which side of their multi-faceted, multi-layered personality they want to show you in whichever social context you happen to be in.
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Perhaps even more important is the concept of global idealism, which INFJs, and NFs in general, are famous for. INFJs truly do want to make the world a better place for people (and/or other living things). This global outreach entails an inner value system with its own set of rules which are prioritized from the core (most important) and taper out to lesser values (less important). An INFJ’s inner value system is a paradox to their seemingly passive, gentle, observant nature because it is rigid, adamant, and possesses the highest standards for what an individual INFJ considers ‘moral’. INFJs, generally speaking, are primarily concerned with one thing: doing the right thing. It’s their modus operandi. It’s their prime directive.
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It’s the secret ingredient of the INFJ’s personality makeup and it completely explains why they lack ego, baulk at superficiality, act with caution, and why they’re nice.
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There’s no discussion too deep for an INFJ and no judgment passed.
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INFJs are all about emotional connection and the meaningful exchange of ideas. Most significantly, INFJs crave the deepest connection with someone that can possibly be attained.
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Despite being naturally popular people, INFJs don’t crave or seek attention from the masses. Depth can only be established one on one and each relationship is seen as a large emotional investment to be taken seriously.
All the world's a stage couldn't be more fitting for an INFJ. They observe, notice patterns, and connect all the dots. They are aware that people adopt roles...wear masks. The INFJ wants to see beyond that - wants to see the core of the person - their true self. We know when we have discovered that truth.
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This is an instinctive method of knowing from using an unusual abstract perception that gets better with experience.
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It is not mystical or magic but abstract and unconventional so others may see it as some enchanted gift of some sort, but it is methodical, calculating, and instinctive through observation. The 'feels' allow us to abstractly navigate the truth.
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INFJs absorb emotions.
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INFJs use their dominant function, introverted intuition, to understand other people’s perspectives (the “dominant function” of any personality type is that type’s preferred way of thinking, gathering information, or interacting with the world). The INFJ’s secondary function (or second most-used way of thinking) is extroverted feeling, which puts other people’s emotions on their radar all the time.
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INFJs often report not being able to turn off this superpower even when they want to. They’re always aware—sometimes hyper-aware—of how the people around them feel.
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In reality, absorbing other people’s emotions is draining, so INFJs must get away from others to stop this process for a while and recharge. Being bombarded by other’s emotions also means it can be difficult for INFJs to tune into their own feelings. Spending time alone allows INFJs to reconnect with their own emotions and reflect on them.
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Make sure you care for yourself and make decisions that are respectful of your own feelings and needs. Stay in touch with your own feelings by getting them out of your head. When you feel strongly, try talking about your emotions with someone you trust, and if no one is available, write about how you feel, then read your own writing. Whatever you do, don’t internalize your strong emotions, as introverts and INFJs tend to do. Because of your extroverted feeling function, you’ll feel at your best when you can, appropriately, release your emotions by expressing them outwardly.
INFJs observe first and talk later. Since this personality type loves to listen, people find themselves talking more to an INFJ than perhaps to other people they know. As a person talks to the INFJ, it is almost like talking to a therapist. I’m sure many INFJs are familiar with the phrase, “I didn’t realize this about myself until I said it to you just now.” People typically like conversing with INFJs, because they may feel like it’s the first time anyone has every really taken the time to listen to them.
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Early listening is like research. The INFJ is gathering information about this person, and when the information gets processed, the INFJ often has practical and useful advice to offer.
INFJs have a deep need for harmony. INFJs value peace and balance, and they will tell you that this is achieved only through continual growth and self-reflection.
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This personality type has a wonderful ability to see the big picture, and they view a lot of the everyday problems people get worked up about as no big deal. That being said, they still compassionately help their loved ones through even the littlest of issues.
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To find harmony in the day to day the INFJ might take on roles like personal assistant, trainer, therapist, doctor, or life-coach.
INFJs do not accept anything other than absolute truth. There is no such thing as fooling an INFJ with smoke and mirrors. This personality trait is not easily deceived.
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They lead with the most mysterious function, Ni (Introverted Intuition) which is able to instantly make connections; both past, present and use them to establish patterns, which will produce knowledge of the most likely outcomes.
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INFJs and INTJs both use instant connections to establish patterns and determine likely outcomes..but the INFJ is an expert in determining what people will do whereas INTJs are better at determining what logical events will happen.
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INFJs build a multi-layered, subconscious profile on everyone that comes into contact with them. This ‘profile’ is not something consciously done or even understood by the INFJ but rather, it’s a function that operates in an automated way: kind of like your body’s circulatory, limbic, and metabolic systems.
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There’s a good reason INFJs are frequently appointed in tribes throughout history and around the world as the Shaman or the Healer. In modern, western civilization, INFJs often work as counsellors, therapists, coaches, and other occupations which serve as the go-to person for a wide variety of human problems.
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INFJs literally feel what you feel and they feel it exactly at the moment that you’re feeling it and most shockingly, sometimes even before you know you’re feeling it. The reason is a unique combination of Dominant Ni and Auxillary Fe (Extraverted Feeling). It’s the perfect storm of functions that allows INFJs to ‘take the emotional temperature’ of others and use Ni pattern recognition to correctly identify their emotional state and respond accordingly.
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Ni is a perceiving function that takes in information. It’s primarily an input system rather than an output system. Because of this, INFJs often seem passive and non-reactive. They are constantly observing and listening, generally responding with open-ended questions, reflective dialogue, and only answering questions when directly asked. Any counsellor or therapist worth their salt will tell you the value of ‘reflecting’ another person’s feelings and information back to them.
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Conversations with INFJs are often one-sided and peppered with frequent bits of validation like “I see how you could feel that way” or “That must have been really hard for you” or the classic “Tell me more.” INFJs are focused on you and want to know more about you. You’ll learn a lot more about other people if you ask to listen and more importantly, to understand.
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INFJs are basically emotional vampires who absorb the emotions of others. I can’t emphasize that enough, since it actually means that your emotions literally become their own. In other words, if an INFJ hurts you, they’re also hurting themselves…
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This is how INFJs got the label ‘Protectors’ since they protect the hell out of your feelings. INFJs are also highly driven by the motive to ‘help’ others, often rescuing disenfranchised souls and homeless animals.
“If you want to know how someone wants to be loved, observe the way they choose to love others”.
Despite being naturally popular people, INFJs don’t crave or seek attention from the masses. Depth can only be established one on one and each relationship is seen as a large emotional investment to be taken seriously.
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The inner world of an INFJ is sentimental, poetic, and highly idealistic, no matter how he/she appears to be from the outside. There’s an innate sense of self-preservation and secretiveness that is associated with the type since they’re highly sensitive to mockery and rejection. INFJs don’t share unless they know for sure that you aren’t going to hurt them. Their own personal feelings, which so rarely see the light of day, are deep and intense that if they were entrusted with the wrong person, it would be devastating.
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Somewhere, deep down inside, they wish someone would do for them the same that they constantly do for the rest of the world.
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So what happens when you make an INFJ mad?
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1. The Door Close – This happens for various reasons. It could mean an offended INFJ or perhaps just an exhausted/conflicted INFJ. This is when they unceremoniously place a lot of emotional/physical/psychological distance between you and them. Also known as the ‘Door Slightly Ajar’ or the ‘Door Gently Closed’.
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2. The Door Slam – The infamous INFJ door slam is when you’ve been shut out completely from existence, often without explanation.
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3. The Button Pushing/Door Slam – Rarely used. When an INFJ becomes infuriated and spiteful and decides to draw upon their vast expanse of knowledge of all your deepest, darkest insecurities and use them against you with deadly precision. They use Tertiary Ti (Introverted Thinking) to locate the exact, right words to say and the exact, right things to do/not do which will hurt you the most. Usually followed by the door slam. Always highly regretted manoeuvre.
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4. The Quietly Judgmental Detective – Asking open-ended questions to determine if you’re lying. Usually accompanied by laser death eyes and a surly, judgmental look.
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5. The Disappointed Mother/Father – Guaranteed to make you feel like crap. This is what happens when you disappoint the person you really like and admire. INFJs are really good at letting you know that they think just a little less of you..and that’s so much worse than anger.
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There is no on and off switch for being absorbent. This is why warm-hearted, sincerely interested INFJs suddenly withdraw from you without explanation. For them, it can be exhausting to be around other people. The only way to truly escape inheriting the emotions of others is to get away from people entirely, which explains the beguiling push-pull behavior. INFJs are hot and cold, never seeming to approach you in the same, exact way twice.